A week ago I stretched out on a medical table, while a woman squeezed cold gel onto my back and then pressed down–hard. The last time I was in such a situation, it was my belly getting the fabulous sticky service and a tiny life was growing within me.
Now there are cysts. In fact, there probably have always been cysts.
I’ve been reluctant to bring this up in journal because over the past three years I have been in and out of doctor’s offices, and every time they come up with some new diagnosis. I then go throw myself into the motions of treatments, but after the first few months and no results I toss in the towel. One can only take so much failure before they begin to blame the system.
Honestly? I feel like a hypochondriac every time I shift around in that paper gown on a cold examination table. They run their tests. Insulin resistance. Low blood sugar. Pre-diabetic. Diabetic. But most of the time they just look at me and say “morbidly obese”.
This time I waited to go in. Instead of jumping the gun I waited until my period lasted two months, until my blood sugar levels became so aggravated that not eating the moment I woke up would cause violent nausea for the rest of the day. I waited until I developed yet another bald spot. Then I sat on that table, glared daggers at the whip thin OB who had told me to “do cardio for an hour a day, and cut out all grains”, and asked her what was happening.
Polycystic Ovary Syndrome. It would explain the insulin resistance without it being diabetes. It would explain the stomach weight that never seems to go anywhere as I lose inches on my arms and legs. It would explain the mood swings, the horrible periods. Basically? Everything.
I have four cysts on my right ovary. Two and a possible third on my left. The radiologist thinks they’ve been there for some time. Maybe even before I conceived Abigael. Making her a miracle baby. Glorious. What I can’t help but wonder is why, when all my symptoms were the same if not worse a year, two years ago? Why did it take until NOW for them to figure it out?
