Weigh In: Month 3

Well here we are kids, month three. I’m struggling with a feeling of defeat, while simultaneously jumping with pride. Why? Well let’s start with the defeat, and end on a good note:

Previous Weight: 16 stone

Measurements: 50″ 45″ 48″

Current Weight: 16 stone

Measurements: 50″ 45″ 47″

Summary: I have not lost one single ounce. Nor have I gained, but this is very frustrating for me. I have been meticulous with my calorie intake, staying around the healthy range of 1200-1500 per day. I work out every. Single. Day. (note: bouncing with pride). Sooo what gives body? On the bright side, I have lost another inch off of my hips. So there is progress…very painstakingly slow progress.

Future Goals: I’ve picked up a program for swim training, specifically the breast stroke. Instead of weight training TThS, I’m replacing it with the block of swimming. MWF will be cardio/weight training days. Let’s see if that sears the fat away.

Defeat and Me

I have never been able to accept being told No. The very idea that someone else would think themselves to have the power to deny me anything, well it is ridiculous. There is no greater motivator than someone telling me I can’t do something. Watch me.

The only person who can deny me anything is, you guessed it, myself.

So you can see my problem when it comes to emotional eating: I don’t tell myself No. No you can’t have that second helping because it’ll murder your calorie count, No you can’t give up on this set of reps because you’re bored, No you can’t eat that bowl of amy’s ice cream and not do cardio this afternoon. I drag myself to the gym after class every single day, cardio my ass for thirty minutes and then hit the weight room for twenty, and I am damn proud of myself.

So proud that I reward myself with three tollhouse cookies, and an entire sixth meal when I get home.  I deserve these three slices of pizza, because of all the triumphing over my anxiety disorder I did this week.  Did you see me? I went to the gym, and braved the weight room, attended all of my classes without being reduced to a sobbing mess.

I deserve this extra cheese stick of processed dairy death.

I have gained three more pounds, and that’s with exercise. You want to tell me it is muscle go right ahead. I know that at this point of the game, that isn’t how this works.

When I say I’m going to be meticulous with my calories in the upcoming week I NEED to believe it.

After all. I’m the only one who can, right?

Weigh In: Month 2

It feels like this should be at least month four or month five. I’ve really grappled and come to terms with so much over the past four weeks, that it feels as though I’ve won half the battle. Alas, three steps forward, one step back I’m afraid.

Previous Weight: 16 stone

Measurements: 50″ 45″ 48″

Current Weight: 16.1 stone

Measurements: 50″ 45″ 49″

Summary: I am disgusted with my inability to ration and maintain a low calorie/fat diet. Five pounds was an entire inch off my hips, and that was a stark realization for me. It is time to cut the emotional chord, enough with the masochistic coping mechanism.

Food can be an addiction. I need to go as cold turkey as I can.

Goals: 1200 calories a day. 30 mins of cardio Mon-Sat. Weight training TTh.

I will not be fat forever.

y helo thar 2008: Resolutions

I haven’t updated because the holidays consume everything. From Thanksgiving to Christmas, my time is allotted to finishing gifts, cleaning the apartment, readying for the next onslaught–and this year was worse due to school. So now the dust has settled and here I am, five steps back. In pounds no less.

I want to say I was at least good over the break, that I attempted to curtail my binge eating but alas, I fell victim to the stress. Food is my Go-To; food and spending money. I never channeled my anxiety or self hatred into cutting, it manifests in the calorie intake, the picked away cuticles, the red on the bank statement.

So here I am Two Thousandth and Eighth Year of our Lord, and I’m ready to stop. Full stop. I’m going to back track, I’m going lose a few battles, but by May? I want to have won the war.

See you on the 12th.

Weigh In: Month 1

Previous Measurements:

Current Weight: 16 stone (for you yanks, that’s 220 pounds)
Measurements: 50″ 45″ 50″

Current Measurements:

Current Weight: Still 16 stone (I wasn’t expecting this to change at all, not yet anyway)

Measurements: 50″ 45″ 48″

So. It looks like this is going to be a long haul. Positives for this weigh in are that I’ve been working out at least three times a week, and doing pilates at least twice a week. Let’s not forget the two inches I’ve lost off of my hips!

Summary: Maintained my starting weight (Opah!), and lost inches somewhere about my person. If I had bothered to measure my thighs and upper arms, I’m sure that would add to the inch count, but c’est la vie. I like to keep it simple.

Goals: Eating within my calories from this day forth. I’ve been bad, but in my defense November was a hellish month.

And I think December is going to be an easier eating month? hahahahahah. sigh

Balancing Act

I cannot manage a juggling act, and this is usually reflected in my daily life. If one thing is going well, if I’m succeeding at one thing, something else drops. Much like a juggled egg, it splatters messily when it makes its fall.

I haven’t been keeping track of calories for the past three weeks. I have been going to the gym but until this week, my visits have been sporadic, and unorganized.  But school has been going fabulously, and the apartment has been clean and tidy for those two weeks. One of my goals was to start making dinner, and stop eating out, and that has been accomplished.

Everything but those damn calories. I hate counting them. I hate seeing what I’m putting in my body when I reach for that comfort food. It’s frustrating, and depressing.

Starting today, I’m back to daily reports. Next Wednesday is my Weigh In for December.  Momentary personal accountability hiatus over!

Report: November 14th

Today was a difficult day to track calories because both meals were restaurant dining, and those are always hard to “estimate”. So. I’m going to “guesstimate” my naughtiness today.

Food

• Breakfast: Nothing, woke up nauseous
• Lunch: Houston’s Veggie Burger, sans mayo with tomato, slice o’ monterrey jack cheese, pickle and lettuce on whole wheat bun [400 calories]
• Dinner: FreeBird Burrito: Chicken, black beans, rice, lettuce, cilantro on spinach tortilla [700 calories]

Exercise

• Cardio: Elliptical 20 minutes [301 calories]
• Walking: 20 minutes [100 calories ]

Again with the completely useless number: 699 calories consumed

I need to start eating breakfast…even if I feel queasy, because lunch today made my stomach protest food even louder. Tomorrow I’m going to try swimming laps after my cardio at the gym, as a form of strength training.

Bring it world.

Report: November 13th

Today was a rough day. Last night my stomach was queasy, so I skipped dinner, and then passed out over homework so I ended up skipping a night meal all together. Bad idea. It causes overeating in the morning.

So instead of my normal smoothie this morning, I went for breakfast tacos and the smoothie. Le sigh.

Food

• Breakfast: Potato Tacos [ 300 Calories], Strawberry soy smoothie [ 200 calories ]
• Lunch: Burger King (wince) Chicken Sandwich sans mayo [460 Calories]
• Dinner: Veggie Salad [Remaining 240 Calories]

That brings us right up to 1200 calories. I hope I can keep this up until I knock my weight below the 200 level.

Exercise

• Elliptical: 30 minutes [442 Calories]
• Push Ups: 10(I have no upper body strength at all)
• Crunches: 30

Total Calorie Intake: 758

I realize the above number is completely arbitrary but I just like to see it, I have no idea if it actually means. It makes me feel like I’ve accomplished something. It’s all numbers, and in the end they don’t matter until the 12th of the month, yeah?

There will be a lot of entries like this, how fantastic for all of you! But stay tuned, I’m going to start a Flickr account for my progress which will debut this friday! How exciting is that for you? Pretty damn fun.

Official Launch

Well here we are kids, the official start date of my journey. I’m honestly devoid of anything pragmatic to say today, so instead I’m going to record my measurements, and openly state my goals. Exciting isn’t it!

Current State

• Current Weight: 16 stone (for you yanks, that’s 220 pounds)
• Measurements: 50″ 45″ 50″

Goals

• Ideal Weight: 8 stone (115 pounds, roughly)
• Measurements: Need you ask? 36″ 25″ 36″

Deadlines

• January 2008: Lose 10% weight ( 2 stone)
• May 2008: Lose half of total goal ( 5 stone, 50 pounds)
• January 2009: Reach Goal

I’m flexible on the weight versus the measurements, because if I reach size 10 or lower, I plan on maintaining that weight and staying healthy, no matter what the BMI says. The goal of this undertaking is to lose weight, and establish a healthy regimen–not starve myself into someone else’s ideal.

Been there. Done that. Have the ruined metabolism for posterity.

Weigh in date will be the 12th of every month.

First post? Or…is it?

Check it out, I have an actual blog for all this dieting business. I will totally write more about this later. You know, a launch post. For now I just wanted to get this initial post thing done.